11.02.2012

Fitness Friday: Taking Risks


It took me forever to decide what to write for this week's Fitness Friday. I'll be the first to admit that I have not kept to my diet this week. I've barely logged on LoseIt and I've barely worked out. I told myself November, and the end of October, I'd really get my butt in gear. It's an easy excuse to make, but I've had a really rough week. A lot of people in my life have been telling me lately I need to be a little less strict with myself, give myself a little more care than I typically do. I'll admit to being a total self-bully. It's a hard habit to break.

This all ties into something. The past week has made me realize something and I made a decision. Not one I would normally make. I'm notoriously cautious. I'm not a risk taker, nor am I spontaneous. I often have a hard time trusting my own judgment.

This week made me realize, though, that I am 24 years old. In the big picture, I am still really young. I don't have to have everything figured out right now. I don't need to be on the perfect career track. I don't need to be perfect looking. I don't need to have my entire life figured out. The things I want the most I've been denying myself in the past year... and that's kind of horrible, isn't it? I want to be active; I want to spend more time with Danny and my family; I want to go out and I want to travel; I want to shop a lot and save a lot. I want to be a normal 24-year-old who doesn't have her life completely figured out. I have a lot of time for that.

Mostly though, I want to work for myself.

This past week, I decided to really start my photography business.

As you know, I love photography; I practice it all the time (I have thousands of photos in my portfolio at this point) and it's something I deeply love. Do I know everything about photography? Absolutely not. But I realize that that shouldn't stop me from doing something I really, really enjoy... and making a career out of it. This past week, I decided to take myself seriously and ramp up my efforts on Facebook to get clients and start photography. It's a huge decision. It's a huge risk. I'm constantly going over all the things people think, the things that could go wrong, whatever. It's embarrassing and a bit weird. But I ordered business cards. I printed posters. I'm making it happen.

And I'm really proud of myself.

You might be wondering what this has to do with fitness. Well, the truth is... not much. What it does have to do with is health. For the past year or so, my mental health has been horrible; I've felt sad most of the time. I've barely been able to experience happiness. I'm stressed out and afraid of everything and generally a big mopey, miserable person. It sucks. It really does. It got to the point where I started to be too scared to open doors for myself: to send emails, to take risks, to apply to jobs. I'm not a risk taker, but I've never been too scared to send someone an email with a question!

For me, taking this first step towards independence -- from my depression, from being an "employee," from being miserable all the time -- is a huge steps towards being healthy. Is it going to make me skinnier? Probably not. Is it a killer work out? Oh, of course not. But is it making me happier? Yes. Yes it is.

And sometimes, when it comes down to it, we have to push ourselves -- we have to task risks and be spontaneous and stop worrying about what could go wrong -- in order to be happier and healthier.


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Thank you for reading my blog! :]
xo Michelle

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