12.11.2012

My Time


This has probably been pretty obvious, but for the last few months, I've been pretty unhappy. I felt really stuck in terms of my choices. I know I have a lot of talent and passion, and I think those are really valuable things. But I felt really confused and sad, and incredibly depressed, by the fact that I couldn't get a job that I felt really valued those aspects of my personality. I have gone to what feels like tons of interviews. I have been rejected. And let me tell you, rejection hurts. We tell ourselves to move past it, that it's not personal, that you have no idea who you were competing against. But no matter what, it still really, really sucks to know you can do a job... and they don't pick you. 

I might not be a brain surgeon, but I know I'm smart enough to do every single job I interviewed for. Maybe it sounds snotty, but it's true. I felt like I was capable of every job I interviewed for. I'm smart, I'm passionate, I'm hardworking, I'm punctual, and I wanted a job, dammit. But none came. 

I have worked at a car dealership for the past nine-and-a-half months. I am grateful I had a job for those times -- how else would I have paid my bills? -- but for most of the time, I wasn't happy. The car business is hard and it does not match my personality at all. It just wasn't a good fit. For the past five months, I've been looking for a job, which turned into a cycle of rejection-depression-try again-rejection... repeated over and over again. I started going to therapy. I started going to the gym. I tried yoga. I tried baking. I tried not pushing myself. I tried structure. I tried sleeping more, sleeping less. Nothing -- and I mean, nothing -- was capable of breaking me out of my I-want-a-job-that-fits! funk. 

Last week, I interviewed for a new job at a retirement community. It was for a job that I was not overly qualified for -- I had the basic skills necessary, but not the time requirements -- but I was very passionate about. I felt really good about the interview. In fact, I felt almost overly confident. But last Friday, something really great happened: I got a call offering me a job. It wasn't what I interviewed for, but it was a position where I would work closely with all departments, including marketing. I took the weekend to think these over and figure out a "game plan." 

I accepted the job offer on Monday. Today, I put in my two-weeks notice at my current job. I'm really scared to leave -- the job I accepted doesn't technically exist until after the 1st of the year. But I've been trying, recently, to be more positive and to worry less... which means, not assuming the worst will happen. I'm so excited to have been offered a position simply based on the fact that someone thought I was talented and passionate. I mean, that's a great feeling. 

For months, I've been waiting for it to be my time, my turn. For so long, I felt like I had failed, like a huge part of my life has just fallen apart. I tried to tell myself that I had other things going for me, but I spent a majority of my life being focused on having a successful career, of graduating college and having something waiting for me. To not find anything at the end of such a long journey -- after so much hard work -- was heartbreaking. 

I still don't know why it happened to me. Why it took this long. Why I seemed to struggle more than other people. But at least, I feel like my hard work has paid off. It's my time to shine, to be recognized. 


3 comments:

  1. Congrats darlin'! :) Can't wait to hear all about it.

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  2. Hi Michelle, i had a same experience with you. I had in your position a few months ago. It felt sucks, honestly. But, to be honest if you can be patient for everything, you will get the best job ever. What you need is patient, keep hoping, and trying harder. :) Seriously, if you can pass that moments, it will make you smile a lot when you do your job with passionate. :) I wish you a good luck.. :) Irene Wibowo

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  3. Congratulations, Michelle! I'm really happy for you. I know the depression and anxiety that comes with jobs; mine has been "I'm not doing a good enough job." Good luck and may this be the beginning of great things for you.

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Thank you for reading my blog! :]
xo Michelle

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