2012 has been quite the year, hasn't it? I hope I'm not alone in saying this, but: 2012 actually was a pretty sucky year. It's hard to look on the bright side when so much, well, bad stuff happened. I'm ready to leave 2012 behind and pretend it never happened.
In 2012, I cut off part of my thumb (!!!), struggled to find my place in the world, gained (and failed to actually lose) weight, felt out of place no matter where I went or who I was with, and lost a lot of my creative focus.
On the flipside of all the bad, though, there was good: Danny moved in with me in June; we got a puppy in November; we have celebrated holidays, taken road trips, and kept ourselves alive and functioning without going bonkers. We have made it through all kinds of trials and sadness, and found a lot of happiness and laughs along the way. We got to spend our first holidays together -- Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and my birthday, which is sort of a holiday -- and we had a blast each time. Having Danny with me has made up for a lot of the struggles I've had professionally and emotionally. He's made a huge difference for me!
The thing about 2013 is that... I'll be getting married. Finally. 2013 means starting a new job, getting married, saving money, possibly buying myself an iMac (!!!), going to Disneyland, buying a house... all kinds of things have been saved for 2013 and I'm ready to just, well, dive into them!
In January, I'll be starting my new job, which I'm so, so excited for. In February, Danny and I will celebrate our first Valentine's Day in the same state (which I'm so excited for and will probably make a huge deal about because I want to). In March, it will be both of my nephews' birthdays (Chase will be 4 and Mason will be 2), and it will be Danny's birthday... which, again, we will celebrate together for the first time ever. In April, Danny and I will celebrate our two year anniversary on the 15th, which means we should do something super special, right? In May, I'll be running around like a chicken with my head cut off getting wedding stuff in order. And then in June, we'll get married, go to Disneyland, and act like kids. Then in July, we can start it all over again with the Fourth of July. The first six months of 2013 will be packed and crazy and so much fun and I'm so excited to just experience them all, right now!
Aside from all the excitement I'll have going on in my life, I have a few really important resolutions that I thought I'd share with everyone. If nothing else, sharing them will make me feel accountable. I've been writing about these in my journal a lot lately and I actually devoted a whole page to going over them and writing down exactly what I wanted to do and signing promises to myself. These are my resolutions:
Firstly, to stop twirling my hair. This is a weird one, because it's one of those things that never pops up on this blog. When I think about it, my two resolutions are related because my second one is to stop picking at my face! I have compulsively twirled my hair and picked at my face (when I'm nervous, bored, scared, etc.) for as long as I can remember. I actually started twirling my hair when I was a baby and I just never stopped. In the last few years, I've realized how detrimental my hair twirling is -- it makes me look dumb to people who don't know me and it's something everyone mentions when they meet me. On one hand, I see why people make jokes about it... but it's hard because I often don't even know I'm doing it. This year, I really want to get a handle on it and just stop... for good!
My second resolution is similar, to stop picking at my face. I was that kid in elementary school who loved peeling glue off their hands -- picking at things is something I do when I'm nervous, and any kind of blemish on my face or hands or anything is at risk. I kept my thumb wrapped up for so long so I wouldn't pick at the scab! A lot of it is going to be self control and continually reminding myself NOT to do these things. I have a lot of scars on my hands, legs, arms, and face because of picking, which I cover with make up usually, but I'd like to stop adding new scars!
My reward for breaking both these habits by March will be a facial, a manicure, and a new pair of jeans. Mainly, I just want to have stopped by the wedding.
Another goal I wanted to try in 2013 was doing one thing everyday. Elsie posted about it over at A Beautiful Mess, doing a 365 project or challenge. I've often tried to do months where I write a poem a day or something like that, but I'm a phenomenal quitter. However, this year, I want to do something really great. I want to get back into writing, creatively, everyday, like I did in college! My goal is to write a page in my writing journal every single day -- I printed a list over over 500 prompts (over 19 pages!) so I can pick one everyday and just write.
I also had the idea to take a photo everyday -- which I also like the idea of! It'd be fun for Danny and I to take a photo everyday and then compile a book at the end of the year to have as our first FULL year together... and we could do the same in 2014 as our first year married together!
Now, somehow I've talked myself into two 365 Day Challenges, but oh well! I'm so excited to do both and to see what I learn and what happens along the way. Maybe at the end... I'll be ready to write that book about my grandfather.
I think an important part of 2013, for me, will be leaving the past behind -- leaving all the sadness, the disappointment, and the bitterness I experienced in 2013 behind me. I have a real tendency to hold onto little hurts -- to hold onto little grudges and little wounds for a long time -- and part of growing up means letting go of those things. I'm ready to start feeling like the old me again! I think it's important for me to realize, now, that the path I take from this point on is mine and I have so many options. I can do anything. It's all up to me. It won't always be perfect -- as this past year proved -- but it will be mine, and I'll find a way to make it work. I'm so happy to move past feeling small and to start on a path of happiness and discovery.
And with that I say, Happy New Year! I'll see you in 2013!